(Author's note: Putting up the new comment system in a few minutes, so if you try to comment and have problems, that's probably why. Sorry! I am also considering starting a separate blog just for author commentary...probably won't be until tomorrow though, at the earliest.)
Biv and I sat in silence for a very long while after that. As the night…day? I’d lost all track of time…we could begin to tell as Tengu’s attacks waxed and waned. Kiasis never made a sound; but she would frown, her face would occasionally pale even further than it already was, making her look vaguely corpse-like, or her hand would flex, clenching into a fist as if she wanted to reach across the light-years and punch Tengu physically (I, by the way, would have been all in favor of that if it had been physically possible). Puck’s good humor was gradually lapsing into worry as the attacks grew steadily stronger—although he did grin as he assured us that Tengu would never be able to get close enough to launch another ship-to-ship attack. He was, as he put it, keeping the pedal to the metal, whatever that meant. I wondered, though, how much good that would do us if Tengu’s attackes proved to be successful and he took over control of Kiasis’ body the way he had mine. I was pretty sure, from the looks Biv and I shared, that he wondered the same thing. Being what she was, I doubted even the three of us together, two gangly teenagers and one sprite who was hardly on the beefy side himself, could take her physically.
I was imagining it, I was sure, but eventually I had half convinced myself that even I was starting to feel something—a general feeling of heaviness, a dread that I half contributed to some kind of psychic feedback from the invisible battle. It grew steadily stronger, and the rational part of my mind, the part that still wanted very much not to believe in things it couldn’t see, dismissed it as my own fear of what might happen.
Kiasis’ breathing grew quick and labored, as if she were exerting herself. Mine did too, to a lesser degree. Panic attack, my mind supplied, just like the ones Amber used to have back at the home, when she didn’t take her meds.
I’d never had a panic attack before in my life.
She broke out into a sweat. I found I was sweating as well, and my heart was racing, and I couldn’t deny anymore that I was feeling something. It was almost like a physical pressure, threatening to crush me from all around. It was like being squeezed in an invisible vise.
Kiasis’ nose began, abruptly, to bleed, a thin rivulet of dark blue blood trickling down her upper lip. Then it began to pour, and I fought the irrational urge to scream. I’d never witnessed a seizure before, but I knew that the sudden, jerking movements from the alien woman couldn’t be anything else as she fell backwards onto the mat. Biv moved to help her with a short, horrified cry, but she flung him away easily. He landed a few feet away, not as impressive as my earlier flight across the ship, but I was pretty sure it was no more enjoyable.
I wanted to help, I treally did, but I couldn’t move. My body refused to respond to my mind’s commands; I was rooted where I sat, a horrible burning starting up at the back of my skull, and it was obvious that Kiasis was losing ground. I could suddenly feel Tengu’s elation at knowing he was going to win, and the desperation and frustrated anger that had to belong to Kiasis, her confidence quickly eroding into the horrified certainty that the battle was almost over. I was pretty sure I liked things better when I didn’t think she had any feelings at all.
And then, suddenly, it was all swept away.
As I say that, I realize it sounds as if it was all just suddenly over, and there was peace. It was, sort of, I suppose, but in that split second I felt more, all at once, than my mind can comprehend, even now, that there was time to feel. A sudden wave of fury all but ripped Tengu away from us, halting his attack and sending hurtling back towards his own body. It wasn’t Kiasis, and it sure as hell wasn’t me….but the concept that it could possibly be someone else altogether was too foreign for me to even think of as awareness of the physical world flooded back into me. I realized I was flat on my back on the floor, nauseous and dizzy as if someone had thrown me in a centrifuge. From the brief, quiet retching noises nearby, I realized I wasn’t the only one.
Groaning, I pushed myself slowly to a sitting position as I swallowed back the contents of my stomach. Biv was looking between the two of us fearfully, but I just couldn’t find the voice to tell him it was okay. I wasn’t even sure yet that it was.
Kiasis’ voice was weak, but it was still more than I could’ve managed. “It’s done.”
Biv looked over at me, as if for some kind of confirmation. Showed what he knew, if he thought I knew jack shit about what happened, but I nodded just to make him feel better. I was pretty sure Kiasis knew what she was talking about, even if I was clueless. “Are you okay?” I wasn’t sure if he was asking her or me, but I nodded again just in case. No sense worrying him any more than he already was.
“I am recovered, thank you.” And Kiasis certainly seemed recovered, from the returned strength in her voice. “The human, however, would probably benefit from something to eat and drink to restore her blood sugar and electrolytes to their proper levels.”
Oh, way to move the focus off herself, I thought sourly as Biv hurried over to the wall to synthesize me a plate of cookies and some juice. She wasn’t fooling me, though. I could see how slowly she moved as she rose to roll up the soiled meditation mat, disposing of it beforeretreating to the bathroom under the guise of cleaning up.
Glancing to the side, I saw that Puck had been watching her as well, but he just smiled helplessly and shrugged as he turned his chair back around to get back to the business of piloting, so I kept silent. Still, the next time someone tried to tell me how fearless and practically indestructible Sch’silians were, I’d have to call bullshit.
For now, though, she could keep her secret. I was more concerned with getting her to explain to me what the hell happened.
When Kiasis reemerged a short while later, she looked as if nothing had ever happened, settling back down in the now bare spot where the mat had been. Biv frowned at her, and I smothered a smile at the mother hen in his voice. “Maybe you should lie down for a little while. You must be tired.”
I might have imagined it, but I thought I could detect a trace of long-suffering humor in her voice. “That isn’t necessary. I don’t believe Tengu will give up easily, it would be unwise for me to fall asleep and let my guard down.”
Biv frowned even deeper at that, clearly disapproving, but Kiasis had apparently had some practice at distracting him in the last few months they’d been together. “I find that I am a little hungry, though…”
Biv was hurrying back to the food synthesizer before she could even finish speaking.
The amusement left her expression when she realized I was staring at her. I wanted to know what had just happened to us, damn it all, and I wanted to know now. I was tired of not knowing what the hell was going on, and I was tired of the feeling that there was this whole world of things out there that I didn’t understand that were affecting the outcome of my life. But the look she gave me cut my words off before they could leave my mouth, my jaw clamping shut tightly. Later, the look in her eyes demanded. She plainly didn’t want to talk where the others could hear her.
I glowered at her sullenly as I went back to nibbling my cookies and juice, not even bothering to hide my displeasure. I wasn’t so sure I liked this newfound understanding that I had of someone who I knew actively disliked me, but for all I knew, she had a good reason for wanting to keep things quiet, so I supposed it wouldn’t hurt to wait a little while before I started demanding my answers.
A very little while.
